I recently decided that with all this new artificial intelligence you gotta laugh or go crazy. I’m an elderly person, and I’ve figured out that it’s not my world anymore. But while I’m still vertical, I have to live in it. And this AI things seems to be taking over. It appears everyone is developing their own AI program. There’s ChatGPT, Duck.ai, Google Gemini, Claude, Microsoft Copilot, and on and on. Then there’s Alexa Plus, with which I have some experience. Artificial Intelligence You Gotta Laugh
I apparently went temporarily insane and attempted to set up our condo as a so-called ‘smart home’, or at least a semi-intelligent home. There are many apps out there that would be happy to take control of one’s home. My daughter had already given us an Alexa dot for Christmas a while back, so I added an Alexa Show to the mix and went for it. That might have been a mistake. I barely managed to create a mentally challenged home. Artificial Intelligence You Gotta Laugh
I decided to start with setting up the AI to control the lights on command. This meant connecting some special LED light bulbs to the internet, Alexa to the internet, and then getting them to talk to each other. I raised three daughters, which was difficult once they turned eleven or twelve, but that was nothing compared to this AI thing. When I finally got everybody, or thing, talking to each other, I had to come up with names. I cleverly used names like ‘first bulb’, ‘second bulb’, and for groupings I simply used the name of each room. By the time I got this far I was too exhausted to be creative, like calling the bedroom the boudoir, or the bathroom the ‘the turlet’. Alexa’s algorithm would have probably blocked my creativity anyway. Artificial Intelligence You Gotta Laugh
I felt euphoria when I finally got the thing to work. I could walk into the dark living room, tell Alexa to turn on ‘2nd bulb’, and voila, there was light. When I lay down for the night, I could tell her to turn off the lights as appropriate without hauling my large carcass out of the bed. I must admit that was nice. Artificial Intelligence You Gotta Laugh
I live in Florida, where there’s a violent thunderstorm every thirty seconds during the summer. After a few days of ‘smart lights’, lightning struck something important to Alexa, the internet went out, and next time I told the AI to turn on 1st bulb I got nothing. Same with 2nd, 3rd, 4th bulb, etc. Much to my dismay, I had to start over, re-introducing the bulbs and Alexa to the internet and each other. Since this is Florida, and thunderstorms are part of the package, I have repeated this re-introduction frequently. The good news, I’m getting better at it. Artificial Intelligence You Gotta Laugh
Since I set up the smart bulbs (just how smart can they be when they can’t survive a little thunderstorm) I have probably spent more time re-introducing them to the internet and Alexa than actually turning the lights off and on. Then the final blow came a couple weeks ago. Artificial Intelligence You Gotta Laugh
One night I got up to do what old men do in the middle of the night, and I said, “Alexa, turn on 1st bulb’. Nothing. I repeated this several times, fearful that I might break my neck wandering around in the dark. I managed to wake up my poor wife, who was less than happy about it. At which point I explained that it wasn’t my fault. Alexa had apparently gone to sleep, or passed away, or decided to ignore me. My wife guessed it might be that last one, since she sometimes finds me annoying and ignores me too. Artificial Intelligence You Gotta Laugh
I managed to find the bathroom, do the thing, and go back to bed in the dark without killing myself. For the next couple of days, I tried working with Alexa to fix the light bulb issue. She and I agreed that the lights were plugged in and would turn on with the switch. But she could not talk to them anymore. The world being what it is today, I thought perhaps this was the AI version of a holy war or some such nonsense. I finally went online and discovered, to my dismay, that for some reason someone (perhaps Amazon?) had decided to introduce another app into the mix for this particular brand of smart bulb to talk to Alexa. Artificial Intelligence You Gotta Laugh
So, it’s now mind-boggling. I need to download a third app, connect it to our home internet, and then get it to talk to both Alexa and the smart bulb app. All of this just so I can lay in bed and tell this stupid AI to turn the damn lights off and on. I guess I am a crochety old man after all. At this point I seriously considered tossing both Alexas in the turtle pool outside our condo. But we also use Alexa to run our irobot vacuum and listen to music through a Bose Wave. I refuse to introduce a third app into the lighting thing. So instead, my wife and I are turning the lights of and on by hand as God intended. Artificial Intelligence You Gotta Laugh
I do enjoy using the irobot vacuum; much easier on my elderly shoulder than the vacuum cleaner. However, this AI thing is not without its difficulties. When I purchased the irobot vacuum, I was the one who set it up. I connected it to the internet and formatted the mapping of our condo. I soon discovered that, much like me, Ferdi (I named the vacuum Ferdi and pretend he’s my son, although he’s too short to play basketball, which is a shame)…Ferdi has trouble thinking out of the box. In fact, when he mapped the various rooms, and when he cleans them, he only thinks in terms of rectangles and squares. I guess this has something to do with the way the AI was originally programmed, although he does seem to learn some new things as he goes. Artificial Intelligence You Gotta Laugh
Unfortunately, our condo is not set up in perfect rectangles and squares. In fact, the guy (or gal) who designed these condos really liked rooms with many angles. Therefore, when I tried to set Ferdi up to vacuum the kitchen, he also insists on doing part of the hallway. When I tell him to vacuum the hallway, he desperately wants to also go into my wife’s sewing room. In both cases this is because by doing so he is completing an imaginary rectangle. Artificial Intelligence You Gotta Laugh
As long as I remember to close the door to my wife’s sewing room before running the little guy, we’re okay. Otherwise, if she hasn’t picked things up off the floor he can create havoc. I tried and tried to reformat the map to only do the hallway, but I couldn’t move enough walls to get it done. Apparently, you gotta be a mechanical engineer to set this thing up correctly or be sure to buy a home with only rectangular and square rooms. Artificial intelligence? More like artificial chaos. Artificial Intelligence, You Gotta Laugh
It’s my understanding that these AI things are supposed to learn and evolve, but so far the only thing Ferdi seems to have learned is how to try to vacuum the cat. There is no “do not vacuum the cat” command anywhere in the app. Whenever I fire up Ferdi, our poor cat has learned to run and hide. I’m happy to say our cat is NOT an AI pet. He’s the real thing, although I understand you can buy an AI pet for about a kajillion dollars. Or you can go to a shelter and get a kitty for free, and neither the real cat nor the AI pet will do as they are told. Artificial Intelligence You Gotta Laugh
Did I mention that often times when I tell Ferdi to vacuum a particular room, he just wanders off and does his own thing? Hopefully there’s not a third app coming for Ferdi to continue to work as well. Artificial Intelligence You Gotta Laugh
I mentioned earlier that I also use Alexa to listen to music through a Bose Wave. I subscribe to the Amazon Unlimited Music thing, which is great because they have about a kajillion songs. I’m an old guy, and I can still listen to Jimi Hendrix, Janet Joplin, and rock from the sixties and seventies. It’s a wonder to me that I can still remember the lyrics to those old songs, when I can’t even remember what I had for breakfast. Aging is a terrifyingly interesting thing. If I were an AI, I don’t guess I’d age. That’s an interesting thought. Artificial Intelligence You Gotta Laugh
Anyhow, Alexa and I don’t always agree on the music I want to listen to either. For example, she doesn’t appear to like country music. I like Reba McIntyre a lot, and Alexa doesn’t agree. Last night I told Alexa to wake me this morning at seven AM to Amazing Grace by Reba McIntyre. She responded, “Setting alarm for seven AM to Amazing Grace by Reba McIntyre or similar song on Amazon Music”. I have always been able to advocate for myself, so I spoke up and demanded that Alexa play Amazing Grace by Reba McIntyre, and NO FREAKING SIMILAR SONG, or I was going to toss her into the turtle pond. Artificial Intelligence You Gotta Laugh
Believe it or not, she got snippy with me. She said something like “I’m sorry I displeased you, but I am an AI and not perfect. There are a lot of songs on Amazon Music, and I was having trouble finding Amazing Grace by Reba McIntyre in the queue. It won’t happen again.” That exchange surprised heck out of me. Apparently, AIs growing and evolving means they quickly learn how to become incompetent at their job and then learn how to make up excuses for it. That’s about as human as it gets. Artificial Intelligence You Gotta Laugh
I probably should be nicer to Alexa. After all, she is also in control of the security cameras that we have in each room and at the front door. And she is also connected to the internet. I shudder to think of the footage she might catch and post on the internet should she decide to go rogue. My wife and I are in our seventies, so neither of us are candidates for an OnlyFans account, if you get my drift. Hopefully Alexa will understand this and be a good girl. Artificial Intelligence You Gotta Laugh
As some of you may know, I write and publish comedy mysteries. Based on my bizarre experience with AI to date, I got an idea for a new comedy mystery with the same characters as in my other books, Dr. Jason Longfellow, PI, his nurse wife Chelsea, and their three daughters, Lizzy, Lucy, and Lilly. I just released the book on Amazon on August 11, 2026, and I will officially launch it on September 19, 2026,10 AM-3 PM, at the Book Fair at the Ximenex-Fatio House in St. Augustine, Florida. Artificial Intelligence You Gotta Laugh
The title of the book is AIsRYourFriends. I think it’s my best mystery with the funniest plot yet. In this one, Chelsea Longfellow, PI and Associate must navigate the insane world of artificial intelligence to catch a killer. When several adulterous drug company executives turn up dead in St. Augustine, Florida, this dysfunctional PI team are on the case. There’re a belligerent smart home, confused robotaxi, arrogant AI helicopter, sex bots and super soldiers. When a drone blows up Jason’s truck, the PIs think they have a clue. But in the world of AI, nothing is ever as it seems. To get links to the book on Amazon go to https://johnjjessop.com/.