BOOK LAUNCH! It’s here! It’s here! The moment we’ve all (or is it just me? It can’t be just me) been waiting for: MURDER BY ROAD TRIP is now available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and through IngramSpark! I’ve dedicated this post to sharing a little teaser, but if you want more please buy the book (https://amzn.to/2HauHCg) or sign up (https://johnjjessop.com) to receive the first few chapters (and then maybe buy the book). Other sites to buy the book include Barnes&Noble paperback https://bit.ly/35lISh6 or ebook https://bit.ly/3ePJlLv and Indie Books https://bit.ly/2I95at8 Book Launch.
MURDER BY ROAD TRIP: Book Launch
The lab monkeys’ chattering made it difficult for Jenny Hardwick to hear her co-worker, Harold Dumbrowsky, from across the room.
“Jenny, it’s getting late. We’ve run the tests, cleaned the cages, and fed the furry beasts. It’s time to get out of here. Besides, I’m getting sick of the smell of monkey shit. Enough with the pursuit of science. How’s about I take you to dinner, and then we can go back to my place?”
Having blossomed at a young age and kept her girlish figure well into her twenties, Jenny was used to the attention of eager young men. But she was serious about her graduate education and had little time for play. Harold, handsome in his own right with the toned body of an athlete, was accustomed to women saying yes. He got into the LSU graduate program thanks to a generous donation from his father, but play ranked well above studying on his list of priorities.
“As much as I’d like to take you up on that tantalizing offer – made in the same breath as complaints about primate waste – I have to study tonight. I have a pharmacology exam in two days. Besides, I still need to clean a couple of cages, and I want to spend more time with Roscoe before I head out. His response to the therapy has been astonishing.”
“Come on, Jen. We’ve been working together for over a year. It’s time I get to know you better. The monkey will be here in the morning if you still care about his health after a long night with me. My bet is you won’t.”
“I’m trying to be polite but this is getting ridiculous. You’ve been hitting on me for over a year, and I’m still not interested, not going to be. And, the idea that you could impress me more than any of these monkeys is frankly embarrassing. Roscoe started as a thirty-three-year-old Cynomolgus monkey – the max average lifespan of which is thirty-seven years – and based on the current physical exam, behavioral tests and blood work, the results are more consistent with a fifteen-year-old Cyno. Your entire claim to fame is that you have a penis and honestly as much as you brag about it, I can only assume the size is not worth mentioning – though, again, to be very clear, I have no interest in verifying that hypothesis.”
As Jenny spoke, she opened Roscoe’s cage. “Now if you’ll excuse me, Roscoe and I have work to do.” To Roscoe, “Come on little fella. How about some play time?”
Hearing movement behind her, she turned and saw Harold reaching for her arm, just as a squishy brown wad hit him square in the forehead, stopping him in his tracks.
“Son-of-a-bitch! You fucking monkey! I’ll kill you!” he bellowed as the feces slid into his eyes. He tried to wipe it away, instead spreading it further down his face.
“Thank you, Roscoe. That might teach him to be a little more respectful.” To Harold, “It seems Roscoe likes me better than you. I’d recommend you go before you seriously piss either of us off.”
Ignoring her even though his ears were the only openings in his head completely devoid of excrement, Harold started toward Roscoe, his hands balled into tight fists. “You stupid monkey. You’re gonna regret that!”
Roscoe grabbed the bars of the cage and rattled them violently, while shaking his head rapidly side to side and screaming high pitched monkey sounds. “Ooh, ooh, eeh, eeh!” Stepping through the still open door, he tossed another handful of feces in Harold’s direction, where it landed on the floor.
“Oh shiiiiit!” Harold screeched as he slipped in the gooey brown ooze and fell hard on his ass. He sat there for a few moments, stunned, all the fight knocked out of him.
“Come here, you good boy,” Jenny said as Roscoe reached his arms out to her. She picked him up and held him on her hip, in spite of the unpleasant odor.
Having been defeated by monkey crap, Harold slowly picked himself up and turned to exit, his face red with embarrassment and rage and brown with monkey dung.
“You’ll be sorry you missed your chance with me. I would’ve rocked your world. And I’m going to get that monkey back.”
Jenny laughed. “I think I made the right call.” To the monkey. “Come on, Roscoe. Let’s get you cleaned up. We can’t have you smelling like Harold, now can we?” Book Launch.
In addition to buying the book, keep an eye out for Jackie and my first road trip blog post, Shreveport, LA. Keeping in mind that twenty-something daughters pretty much always agree with their fathers, this should be fun. Book Launch.
That is hilarious!
Thanks Marianne. I have to give Jackie some of the credit, but don’t tell her:)